Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Mayor and Chancellor Conclude Invitation-Only Summit on Reducing Classroom Overcrowding


New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg and Schools Chancellor Joel Klein met again today with billionaire philanthropist Eli Broad, representatives of the Business Roundtable, and think tank experts to address the issue of overcrowding in many of the city's traditional (non-charter) public school classrooms. Today's gathering was the final meeting in a 3-day summit and culminated in a plan of action that is almost certain to raise eyebrows among tens of thousands of parents and teachers who were not consulted.

Determining that it is not feasible to reduce overcrowding numerically through smaller student/teacher ratios, the elite group claim they will offer a more innovative solution while at the same time saving taxpayers millions of dollars over time. According to Mayor Bloomberg:

We will contract with Furniture Solutions, Inc. to alter or reforge existing student desks into Bunk Desks, two desks stacked on top of each other. The desks will meet the highest industry safety standards. In addition, we have agreed to raise ceiling tiles in these overcrowded classrooms by a minimum of six inches.

To add to a sense of spaciousness, we will install nearly wall-to-wall
shatterproof acrylic mirrors in the classrooms. A growing body of
research suggests that the presence of large mirrors in classrooms
highly with students working harder and being less inclined to
cheat on
standardized tests compared to control groups performing the same
tasks in
non-mirrored settings. We believe physical self-reflection will
lead to more
ethical and philosophical self-reflection on the part of
students and

Unconfirmed reports are circulating that the group also plans to include the installation of two-way mirrors in many classrooms to allow for surveillance of classroom instruction by what some teachers refer to as the 'accountability police'.

spoof by staff at This Little Blog

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