Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Do Not Send Your Kids to Public Schools!

Why? Have a look at these shocking statistics:

**Fully half of all public school children score below average on standardized tests.

**An astonishing 89% of our nation's school-age children who are obese attend public schools.

**A whopping 94% of all urban crimes are commited within a 7 mile radius of a public school.

**At least 83% of all convicted felons below the age of 100 were at one time enrolled in a public school.

**Before the dawn of public education, eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia were virtually unheard of.

**In primitive tribal societies that have no public schools, there is an amazingly low incidence of cancer.

**According to private industry estimates, every day innumeracy in our public schools negatively impacts 6 out of 4 children.

**79% of wealthy televangelists surveyed, including Pat Robertson and Jimmy Swaggart, will attest that public schools are evil dens of secular humanism employing godless teachers.

And, perhaps most frightening of all:

**A far higher number of students who attend public schools rather than private schools will become axe murderers.

DOWN WITH PUBLIC SCHOOLS!

5 comments:

iaviator said...

86% of statistics are made up...

tauna said...

iaviator, I believe the correct figure is 77% but of course I'm just making this up.

The Perimeter Primate said...

Along the same lines, in the Bay Area, high test scores can be strongly correlated with schools that provide "ski weeks" to their students (a week of no school in February so that kids can go skiing at Tahoe).

This phenomenon suggests that student test scores would increase if "ski weeks" were instituted at EVERY public school.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for stopping by! Ski weeks huh? Well, if one week of skiing can be strongly correlated with high test scores (the supreme purpose of education), we'd better expand this to two weeks of skiing. And yes, let's institute ski weeks in every public school in the nation.

I stopped by your blog briefly today. I'm impressed! When I get a minute I'll spend some more time there.

tauna said...

Oops, that comment should say "tauna", not "anonymous"