Kudos to The Perimeter Primate

for her insights into the corporate hijacking of our public schools and the undermining of democracy under the guise of "philanthropy". Beware of billionaires bearing gifts.

...democracy in my city was pushed aside, permitting a set of wealthy
individuals (especially billionaire Eli Broad who inserted himself in the
management of Oakland Unified in June 2002) to acquire power over my school
district, and about the millionaires and billionaires who have gained control
of, and have infested, public education throughout our country under the guise
of “philanthropy” and “educational reform.” I am one of those who is repulsed by
this phenomenon.

Thanks Perimeter Primate. Here's a satirical piece I wrote about ole' Eli.

Wal-Mart EduNews

Through the Walton Family Foundation, Wal-Mart has awarded EduBuild USA's local affiliate in Charterville, Arkansas 1.2 million in grants to build at least 100 units of affordable housing for the families of low-income Wal-Mart associates. Across America, EduBuild USA recruits student volunteers from a pool of recent high school graduates of Wal-Mart funded charter schools. Volunteers receive training in construction work as well as an intense six weeks training in ethics and community-building.

In other EduNews, Wal-Mart is piloting a dental health program called Building Bridges in select locations in Arkansas and Texas. In exchange for enrolling their children who qualify for admission in private schools, associates who have all their teeth will receive one free cleaning and check-up as well as a $1200 school voucher paid in full by the corporation. Associates with missing teeth whose children qualify and enroll in private schools will receive a $2100 tuition voucher and may elect to have up to $125 per month withheld from their paychecks to build up a nestegg for needed bridgework. Wal-Mart hopes to eventually expand the program to include dental healthcare for the children of Wal-Mart associates.

(spoof)

Do Not Send Your Kids to Public Schools!

Why? Have a look at these shocking statistics:

**Fully half of all public school children score below average on standardized tests.

**An astonishing 89% of our nation's school-age children who are obese attend public schools.

**A whopping 94% of all urban crimes are commited within a 7 mile radius of a public school.

**At least 83% of all convicted felons below the age of 100 were at one time enrolled in a public school.

**Before the dawn of public education, eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia were virtually unheard of.

**In primitive tribal societies that have no public schools, there is an amazingly low incidence of cancer.

**According to private industry estimates, every day innumeracy in our public schools negatively impacts 6 out of 4 children.

**79% of wealthy televangelists surveyed, including Pat Robertson and Jimmy Swaggart, will attest that public schools are evil dens of secular humanism employing godless teachers.

And, perhaps most frightening of all:

**A far higher number of students who attend public schools rather than private schools will become axe murderers.

DOWN WITH PUBLIC SCHOOLS!

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