Margaret Spellings Undaunted By Results of New Study

WASHINGTON, DC - According to a groundbreaking new $2 million study by the U.S. Department of Education, Ed Secretary Margaret Spellings will not realize her dream of all students being on grade level (an average) or beyond by 2014. Not by 2014, not ever. By any reasonable definition of the term, it was found that nationally about half of all students will always fall somewhere in a spectrum below average.

"These results are astounding," said officials. "Academic achievement actually falls along a continuum, like other human attributes."

Asked to comment, Spellings said, "I'm not into playing numbers games. Not once in all my travels have I met a parent who didn't want their child on grade level now—let alone by 2014. I know I do, and I'm sure every parent in the nation agrees."

In an entirely separate but equally compelling study on merit pay, researchers found that in the area of public education, a majority of highly paid politicians do not know what they are talking about. While the disastrous policymaking that results does not affect their pay, the consequences for children, teachers, and schools are devastating. More about merit pay to follow...

Stephen Colbert - Not Enough Eyebrow Raising Sir!

I'm afraid our esteemed Secretary of Spin Margaret Spellings received only a gentle ribbing at best about the No Child Left Behind Act when she appeared yesterday on The Colbert Report. She made the usual dubious claims about the success of NCLB and blustered for the 9,999th time about "all children on grade level".

Don't ya wish lightning-quick-on-the-draw Colbert, catching her off balance, had fired something like this at her?

ARE WE THERE YET? ARE ALL OF AMERICA'S CHILDREN AVERAGE OR ABOVE?

As norm-referenced tests have given way to criterion-referenced tests, I suppose no one can really define "grade level" anymore. Even in the "norm-referenced days" when it was understood that by definition, nationally 50% of all students are always below grade level, it was an arbitrary thing.

But the absurdity stands, no matter the definition: No goal can be both challenging to all and achievable by all.