A Teacher's Dream Legislation (Just for Fun)

I recently introduced legislation to the U.S. House of Representatives in honor of those who are profiting from the No Corporation, I mean No Child Left Behind Act. So far, no one is listening. After all, I'm only a teacher.

HB 2014: No Corporate Fat Cat Left Behind

It is proposed that in keeping with the 99.9% pure, bright line principles of NCLB accountability and transparency, the nation's primary beneficiaries of NCLB and high-stakes testing be administered the newly-crafted, teacher-constructed FCATT (Fat Cat Test). All items on the FCATT have been designed to be able to detect disingenuous responses, deception and/or incompetence by measuring individual responses against results of the NAEP-E, National Assessment of Ethical Practices in Education, to arrive at the test-taker's UMI, or Ulterior Motives Index. Preliminary conservative estimates are that at least 90% of test-takers will fail to demonstrate AEP, Adequate Ethical Practices, in the arena of public education reform.

Sister assessments to the FCATT are under construction for politicians as well as the leading members of a highly networked web of corporate funded propaganda machines, also known as foundations and think tanks. It is anticipated that the POTTY, Politicians and Opportunists Tempted by Testing Yardstick, will be ready for administration by the 2008/2009 school year. The T-TIA, Tinkle Tank Incontinence Assessment, is being developed to diagnose an irresistible urge to eliminate public education through ideology masquerading as educational research.

Test takers can relax since no sanctions will be imposed for failure to make AEP. The test results alone will be reward enough for our nation's besieged public school teachers.